“Everything’s impossible until somebody does it.”
Batman
Ah fear… that instinctive response we have to protect ourselves against all the sabre-tooth tigers about to pounce on us just outside our caves! Since we have just passed Halloween, and probably one of the truly scariest ones, as we wonder if it safe to celebrate as we normally would, it struck me how truly brave and ingenious we have been ALL YEAR! It might come as surprise to you that actually, I live with a lot of fear and anxiety in my life and always have. I know I can ‘talk the talk”, but it is much harder for me to ‘walk the walk” – loose sleep and have nightmares at night hard. It has taken me a monumental effort to get where I am today. I have been worried about all the “normal” things everyone else probably worries about, like, for instance: going for a job interview, passing a test, leaning to drive a car, waiting for medical test results (covid or non covid), will anyone actually read this post or buy anything I make? And the big one, “am I worth it?” Or even “is it worth it?” All through it I’ve had the sweaty palms, the nausea, the butterflies and the tight chest. However, I have managed to keep my head above it and made it through, even when I really wanted to give up and go back to my parent’s home and never leave again, as this was the safest place I could think of being. This brings me to another thought, what if I face my fears and do it (as they saying goes) to show my munchkins that they can as well. What if when they are frightened, the thought of home insights some safety in them and empowers them to feel brave enough to continue, even though they are scared right out of the seat of their pants, like I have been?
Life at 60… no this not how old I am! Even if I might feel like it! Hehe.
One of the biggest fears I faced recently was learning to drive. I wrestled with it, did not enjoy it, did not even want to do it. After a little more than 2 years now, I’ve come to accept it for what it is. I still don’t really like it. I still don’t like driving on the highways, or in the snow and ice (I took a winter driving defence course for this one), or at night, but this year, what with all my options limited, I had to put on my scary big girl pants and just do it. Now, I still don’t really want to, but I know I can, and that makes the difference. When faced with the task, this is what I did:
- I had some new clothes at the time, so held off wearing them and then had something positive to look forward to.
- Checked my route and discussed it with a friend who knew the area.
- Found a playlist of all my favourite songs.
- Allowed my munchkins to use their devices for the journey so they would be entertained for the trip (this was not a time for “learning patience”).
- Left a lot of time for getting lost.
In the end that same friend offered to let me follow her on one occasion, but all the other times I had to go on my own (in fact I choose to) and, yes, I did get lost and then found again, let some of my frustration rise, remembered to breathe, found a landmark (West Edmonton Mall – you really can’t miss it!) and got home again for a VERY large cup of tea and several biscuits! My dear friend then congratulated me on a job very well done. I felt elated that it went ok and I DID overcome any problems that arose during the journey. I used it as a teachable moment at dinner with the munchkins and told them that fear is a skill for us to practice overcoming, just like any other. I am grateful that I did it.
“Why do we fall, Alfred?” “So we can get back up again”
Batman and Alfred
There are lots types of fear too. We might fear loosing something or someone, we might fear making a mistake, or we might fear (or predict) that a certain situation is going to happen so we choose not to enter into it. Sometimes, we let the fear win, sometimes we find a way to surpass the event and find an easier route (I have done this – even if it is less efficient and/or more expensive). The important lesson I have learned, especially this year (call it “the COVID benefit”), is that fear will always be with me, but I can control it. It doesn’t control me. I can learn from it and still be brave.
We talk now as a family a lot about facing our fears and then congratulating ourselves on having got though it. We try not to “feed the wolves” or worry too much about that sabre-tooth tiger waiting to pounce. There are ways to keep ourselves safe wherever we are and whatever we are doing. We’ve proven that we can be somewhat prepared for whatever might happen and that you can’t always predict what’s going to happen, so that shouldn’t really stop you from enjoying life or doing something you want to do (like this website) – in a sensible, law abiding way of course (I have to say this to my son, as he sometimes gets funny ideas!).
I’ll leave you now with some books we read and a movie we watched that resonated with me and helped the munchkins (and myself) deal with our anxieties. They can also be great light-hearted conversation starters too. As, Pinkie Pie, that well known and insightful pony, says, “If you feel afraid, just laugh!”. Try it! It really works!
Dr. Seuss, Oh the Places You Will Go – everyone knows this one and if you don’t, then give it a go! It is our all time favourite!
Dr. Seuss, What was I scared of? – My munchkins love the idea of “pants with nobody inside them”.
Melanie Watt, Scaredy Squirrel at Night – this is also an animation. We’ve watched it on Amazon Prime, but I think I’ve seen it on YouTube too. Any of the other books in this series are good as well.
Lastly, we watched recently, of my daughter’s choosing, “Over the Moon” on Netflix. It started off happy enough, but slowly developed into a movie dealing with grief, fear and anxiety. A Chinese story, filled with brilliant animation, entertaining songs and humorous characters. It certainly got its message across. I might (dare I say it) like it better than Frozen 2! *Gasp*
What are your fears? My son loves Batman, hence the quotes, I tell him Batman had to overcome many fears as a kid and decided he wanted help others do the same thing and keep them safe. I suppose as parents we could all be like Batman as that’s our job. Batmum to the rescue!
We are all superheroes in our own way.
Stay safe, healthy and tame those wolves (they are just fluffy dogs anyway!).
Ax
2 Responses to “Fear and Anxiety: “Don’t feed the Wolves””
Fantastic post. Really resonated with me ?
I love your confessions, so often we bury fear and don’t talk about it. How much better to share our feelings as you have done. I also experienced many of these feelings, especially the driving one! Thank you Ailis!